My sweet Jude, it is almost a year ago now when I first held your warm wet body against my breast. Those first moments were so sacred and filled with a purifying love that connected not only our physical bodies but our eternal spirits. Looking at all of these pictures again, unfolding your earthly story, I just break into incredible tears. Your innocence and beauty, patience and calm, the struggle you endured in the hospital over 4 months of your little life, the last day that I held you in my arms and watched your sweet eyes close with the countenance of an angel returning to the Spirit World. There are moments that I ache for you my dear, and feel as if I have truly sacrificed part of my soul in losing you. But it is in these moments of utter longing and sorrow and tears that I cannot deny the peace and stillness which descend upon me. . .once again I am lifted up as though by heavenly strands which steady my heart and raise my thoughts to that eternal sphere. One day we will understand it all as we embrace again, our vision of God's eternal plan laid plain and clear before us, the purpose of our lives however short or long made manifest in all detail. Jude, I know that your spirit continues to exist and to progress even without your mortal body. I know that you are surrounded by family members that have passed on before you and who know you and embrace you and love you. I want to live my earthly life inspired by your purity and patience, using my gifts and talents to lift others and allowing this experience to sculpt my very soul into a masterpiece. I love you.
Tirzah, thanks for sharing this wonderful post. I can't imagine how much hurt you feel. It is amazing to feel the peace, too, isn't it, that comes from the knowledge that we'll be together forever with those we love. Grief cuts deep, painful crevasses in the soul which can also become places of retreat, worship, and beauty. We love you and your family.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you, Tirzah and Shay. You two have been where few parents have. I send my love, Tess
ReplyDeleteWow. So touching to read your words, Tirzah. I am happy to get to read your thoughts and feelings for Jude, as well as for Addie in your latest post. Thank you for sharing them. It is an inspiration and example to me to see your faith and hope shine.
ReplyDeleteTirzah, I fell upon your blog as I was looking at pictures of Strong Memorial NICU babies and couldnt help but find out what happened. First of all, I have to say, you are an AmAzInG writer. And reading through your story with little Addie coming to the hospital with you, it just broke my heart. When I graduate from college, my plan is to become a nurse in the NICU. I hope that I can meet a family thats as strong and amazing as yours. Addie, you truly are a gift from God given to your family. He out you on this planet for a reason. And I believe it was to show your family how to be strong in a time when its so easy to just fall apart. God bless your famly.
ReplyDelete