Sunday, November 14, 2010

The Unsinkable Adelaide Eden Barlow





Our little Addie turned 5 years old at the end of October. She started Kindergarten this fall, and although she is one of the youngest in her class, she is well adjusted and comfortable in this new sphere. That is one of Addie's qualities that has always impressed me. . .her emotional maturity and ability to adapt quickly to new environments. She is never intimidated or scared, but rather excited and eager to meet new people and to take on new challenges. At her first parent teacher conference her teacher told me that her standout qualities are 1. respectful 2. helpful 3. kind to everyone.

Addie has experienced a lot this past year with the four month hospitalization of her baby brother Jude and his subsequent passing on August 20, 2010. During that time Addie and Elijah spent time between the Ronald McDonald House in Rochester, NY with Mommy and Daddy and Grandma and Papa's house in Ithaca being cared for by them and other family members who offered their love, support, and help. Countless members of our church volunteered to babysit Addie and Elijah during the weekdays that they were with us in Rochester, so that Shay and I could attend to Jude in the hospital and communicate with doctors and countless specialists trying to decipher his unusual case.

When Addie came to the hospital in the late afternoons, evenings, or on the weekends to visit with Jude, she was like a ray of light entering his hospital room. She always had a cheerful countenance and a sweet loving tone with her little brother. She would sing to him and shake toys for him to grab, kiss him and hug him and get right in the bed with him when she was allowed. She would bring him stuffed animals that he could cozy with and put stickers on the rails of his hospital crib. She always helped the nurses to bath him, change his diaper, or do anything that she could to show her baby brother how much she loved him and wanted to serve him. She never let his illness or the wires and tubes and machines frighten her or change her perspective on things. . .she just loved him completely and unconditionally and she only saw him as a perfect little angel in every way. Somehow, whenever Addie was around and attending to Jude, the fear and uncertainty that many times plagued my mind would just fade and I could feel a very eternal bond and connection between my children and between our family. I knew that somehow, no matter what happend--even if Jude passed away--everything would be ok and that there was a grand plan and purpose to everything that our family was experiencing.

I think that children are more connected because of their innocence and purity and the newness of their earthly experience here and they bring familiar thoughts and feelings to the surface. Mormons believe that we existed as Spirit children of loving Heavenly Parents in a premortal existence or heavenly sphere before coming to this earth to receive our physical bodies. We came here to have mortal experiences that would teach us and give us opportunities to make choices, to evolve and grow in wisdom, talent, intellect, spirituality, service and love, ultimately to return home to our Heavenly Parents and our Elder Brother and Saviour Jesus Christ.

Addie, I am so proud of you and the strong, courageous, and loving little girl that you have become. You have already endured some very intense experiences for such a young child, and you continue to move forward with energy, optimism, faith in God and trust for those who love you and care for you. I know that these experiences are preparing you for the amazing opportunities, blessings, challenges, disappointments and triumphs that this life will bring. May you always draw strength, wisdom, guidance and peace from the experience of loving and letting go of your sweet baby brother.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Hey Jude





My sweet Jude, it is almost a year ago now when I first held your warm wet body against my breast. Those first moments were so sacred and filled with a purifying love that connected not only our physical bodies but our eternal spirits. Looking at all of these pictures again, unfolding your earthly story, I just break into incredible tears. Your innocence and beauty, patience and calm, the struggle you endured in the hospital over 4 months of your little life, the last day that I held you in my arms and watched your sweet eyes close with the countenance of an angel returning to the Spirit World. There are moments that I ache for you my dear, and feel as if I have truly sacrificed part of my soul in losing you. But it is in these moments of utter longing and sorrow and tears that I cannot deny the peace and stillness which descend upon me. . .once again I am lifted up as though by heavenly strands which steady my heart and raise my thoughts to that eternal sphere. One day we will understand it all as we embrace again, our vision of God's eternal plan laid plain and clear before us, the purpose of our lives however short or long made manifest in all detail. Jude, I know that your spirit continues to exist and to progress even without your mortal body. I know that you are surrounded by family members that have passed on before you and who know you and embrace you and love you. I want to live my earthly life inspired by your purity and patience, using my gifts and talents to lift others and allowing this experience to sculpt my very soul into a masterpiece. I love you.